he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
