She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
