Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
