so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
