My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
