why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
