Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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