i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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