one might say we're banned from that church
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
