You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
