so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My feet surprised me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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