I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
