Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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