Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
