You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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