It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
