I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
