did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Who wears a wallet chain?!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
