My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
