You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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