Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
