I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
