my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
