The maid of honor just puked.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
