he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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