so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
