just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
