She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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