so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
