i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
