there was a trapeze. enough said
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize