I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You are a genius and a whore.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
