I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
