we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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