Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
