you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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