I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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