Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize