The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
