I met the friendliest cop last night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
