from now on my penis is your penis
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
