either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
