the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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