I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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