You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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