if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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