i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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