Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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