Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The Olympian is in my bed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize