I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
