im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
