I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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