He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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