well you can't waste a boner
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
