We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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