and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
