just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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