I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
