I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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