You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
