It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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