Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
