I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
