I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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